I’m writing this more for myself than anyone else, but I wanted to share it as well. It is important to me that the people who know me, at least try to understand what I go through daily. For the people who don’t know me, well this might help you capture a piece of who I am.
Sometimes it is hard to keep it all together and take care of all the things I need to do, as well as fight this constant battle with my health. I don’t think my illness defines me, I think it shows how strong I really am, and at the same time how weak I can be.
1. The illness I live with is: Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: July 2012
3. But I had symptoms since: at least 2008
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Realizing that I will have to give up some things I enjoy to get the rest I need.
5. Most people assume: I’m exaggerating my symptoms and I must not really feel as bad as I say since they can’t SEE anything wrong with me.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting up out of bed.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: Private Practice
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My Kindle
9. The hardest part about nights are: Falling asleep and then staying asleep because most nights I either can’t sleep or I wake up and am unable to get back to sleep.
10. Regarding alternative treatments I: I make a commitment to myself to do physical therapy at least 2x a week and also get a regular massage at least once a month. Both these treatments help so much to dull my pain a bit.
11. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I obviously don’t really want either, who would? But I would definitely choose a visible illness over Fibromyalgia I feel like people don’t really get that I am in pain all the time because I don’t voice it and I don’t look sick. At least with a visible illness, my loved ones would see that I am sick.
12. Regarding working and career: I have had to revamp my dreams a bit over the last couple of years which makes me really sad, especially since I fought so hard to get my MBA and am so proud that I finally did. My dream was to be a controller or a CFO of a company. I don’t see that happening anymore as I can’t see myself putting in those hours needed to become one. Everyday I pat myself on the back for my creative talents and hope that one day I can make my new dreams a reality.
13. People would be surprised to know: I’m not that strong. I cry myself to sleep almost every night and have regular melt downs because I don’t know how to deal with the pain and still live my best life.
14. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: The reality that this illness has NO cure and I could feel this way forever.
15. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Slowly become a stronger person a day at a time because everyday that I get out of bed is an accomplishment in my book.
16. The commercials about my illness: I don’t watch or read anything anymore about Fibromyalgia because all the articles and news I have ever seen is all depressing.
17. A new hobby I have taken up since my symptoms started is: writing
18. My illness has taught me: The people who stick by me during the hard times are the ones who really care. I now understand that it is hard on other people for me to be sick as well as it being hard on me. I thank the ones who don’t get upset when I don’t call or when I have to cancel plans because I simply can’t do anymore. Illness has taught me that thanking God for the little things in life is just as important as thanking Him for the big ones, for many have their health and take it for granted. If I am healthy again, I will never take it for granted again.
19. Want to know a secret? I’m not as strong as I appear
20. But I love it when people: call, text, email because it shows me that at least one time during their day, they thought of me and wondered how I was doing.
21. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
22. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Don’t feel alone, many people suffer in silence daily from chronic pain, try not to let your illness control you, try to control your illness
23. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: Most doctors don’t want to diagnose you, they want to give you medication to hide the symptoms. Find a doctor that cares about finding a solution.
24. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Happy because you care about me and what I have to say. That means more to me than you will ever know. If we are family, know that I love you. If we are friends, know that you mean the world to me. If you like my writing, know that I appreciate you more than you realize. Finally, if are reading because you can relate please don’t hesitate to write a comment or get in touch, and know that I am sorry you have pain. I understand it more than I want to at times.
I must add a bit of positivity to this post or it wouldn’t be me. I will say that I have learned a lot about myself, that I never would have known if I hadn’t been sick. I learned I can be weak, but yet super strong. I have learned that I can inspire others daily through my writing reflections. I have learned the people who matter and those that never did.
Finally, I have learned that at the end of the day it is only you and God, make sure you do what is best for you and take care of yourself because He loves you and knows you are capable of fighting this and anything else that He throws your way. God bless you all for taking the time to read this. <3
Written By: Debbie DeVita
October 6th 2012
If you really stop to take a look around, you will find inspiration everywhere. When we realize what our minds are capable of achieving, we can begin to utilize all the inspiration this world provides for us to live out our dreams. Inspiration allows you to take hold of the possibilities and piece them together. Take a look at some of the few places I look for inspiration, and see if you can think of any I have left out that help you. (more…)
No-one in this world can possibly know, exactly what it’s like to be you, except for you, yourself. Yet the crazy thing is, that we are all one! The purpose of the life of the individual is to experience life in a different way than anyone has ever experienced life before. The purpose of life for the human race is to be creatively together in our unique individuality!
We are expected to be individuals, create our own life, do things on our own, but yet all people are individuals doing the same exact thing, living the same exact way, trying to find their place in this paradox of a world. The world of uniqueness.
Every day each one of us has pain and sadness to confront, and yet happiness and joy to experience too! The ones who can tip the scales in their direction of joy and happiness is: the one who can smile through their troubles, express beauty in their sadness and show kindness to others no matter what they themselves might be experiencing.
So next time you meet a kind-hearted, pretty eyed and smiling person, don’t assume that all is okay in their world, but instead applaud the triumph of the human spirit over adversity,sadness and pain!
I challenge you to look into the mirror before today is out and see such a person in your own reflection!
I challenge you to change your attitude today and start living your own unique, amazing, and possible bright future!
By: Debbie A. DeVita
April 4th 2012
Image Credit [healmyptsd.com]
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.” (Psalm 130:5)
I have heard it so many times, I can’t even count. From relatives, from friends, from even best friends, I’ve heard it. My pain is only in my mind. It can’t be that bad. Oh my gosh, you’re sick AGAIN!
Illness has taught me patience. I’ve learned not to fret when my day involves a lot of waiting–at the doctor’s office, at the pharmacy, or the next specialist I’m meeting with. I’ve learned that doctor’s can’t solve everything and that if they don’t know the answer, they will give you a prescription and send you on your way.I’ve learned that is hard to explain to others that you’ve been to several doctors and you are still in pain because they don’t seem to be able to help you.
Waiting patiently has spilled over into other areas of my life. I have learned not to get upset when plans change, I’ve learned to not be anxious when I just can’t bring myself to get out of bed one day. Patience is a virtue that God tries to teach us through the bible, but many are always running, seeking, waiting for the next thing. I have learned to have patience on the Lord and know that in the right time, my life will turn out just the way, He meant it to all along.
One of the hardest times, for me to wait is when I’m in the midst of a flare-up and all I’m capable of doing is lying in bed. Often, I listen to music or watch television or read to keep myself distracted, but eventually the worry and frustration work their way to the surface. Some days I feel sad and closed in. Other days I feel guilty that I am not doing things around the house. I admit the depression and isolation get to me. My friends call and I can’t answer because I’m either in alot of pain at the time or just don’t feel like talking. I know no one understands this, unless you deal with this chronic pain yourself. I have tried many times to make people realize, I don’t hide on purpose and I really am in pain, but many just brush it off, and go about their day. I have learned to be okay with this, because I know, unless you’ve been in my shoes you can’t understand where I am coming from.
I have found that the only true comfort I get is from the Lord and His Word. When I feel overwhelmed, I know that I can turn to God, and He will calm my anxious mind. Meditating on the promises in His Word allows me to find peace and hope. Reminding myself of His love for me helps me to calm down and look for ways to pour my heart out to Him and to praise Him. I don’t believe that He wants me to feel pain or that I have done something bad to deserve this. I believe He feels I am strong enough to handle this and get through it on my own. That gives me faith that He knows my strengths.
For the last few months, I have spent more time in bed, flat on my back, breathing through the pain and spasms. Even in these circumstances, I sense the presence of God, and I feel encouraged to hold on and trust that His goodness will prevail.
For those of you who have a friend, spouse or relative that is constantly ill, please try to show some sympathy to their pain. They are only trying to get through their day.
“Don’t judge another individual and what they feel, till you have stood in their shoes”
Written By: Debbie A. DeVita
March 23th 2012